It’s that time of year when many high school seniors are starting to prepare for graduation and eventually to head off to college; these seniors are close to turning—or in some cases have already turned—eighteen. It’s almost time to spread their wings, leave the nest, and be on their own…

… Except that most 18 year old college freshmen aren’t actually ready to be on their own. They still rely on their parents for financial support, emotional support, credit card payments, physical transportation… even clean laundry! And just about all of them still rely on their parents’ medical insurance when they need health care. You would think, then, that you as parents would be able to make medical and financial decisions for these fresh 18 year olds when they need help… except you can’t.

Once your child is 18 you as a parent are no longer their legal guardian. No longer will you be able to easily call the shots in the hospital or doctor’s office. You may pay the credit card bill, but you may not always get a representative to talk to you if there is a problem with that credit card. Likewise you may not make decisions regarding their bank account, or have legal dealings on their behalf with their landlord. Not unless your child gives you permission, that is—written permission in the form of a durable power of attorney and/or a healthcare directive.

By naming you as his agent in a durable power of attorney and/or a healthcare directive, your brand new 18 year old is giving you the power to keep doing what you’ve been doing all along… be his loving parent and help with the tough decisions; or—heaven forbid—step in to take charge in case of an emergency.

Durable powers of attorney and health care directives are documents that can be easily executed by our office or your own trusted attorney. Creating one of these documents for the first time is a good opportunity to discuss responsibility with your child, and encourage him or her to begin thinking of these decisions that you have helped them make all these years as their own. We know, however, that this isn’t always an easy subject to discuss with your young adult. If your child is resistant to discussing this with you, perhaps he or she will be willing to discuss it with your family estate planning attorney instead. This is an important subject, not only for you as a parent, but also for your young adult’s safety and well being.

One of the things estate planning attorneys have to deal with in their line of work (most often with elderly clients) is the question of whether or not a client is competent to sign their legal documents. Every principal (or person executing the documents) must be competent, and most attorneys—most people—can make this assessment based on observation, experience and instinct during the course of interaction; but every once in a while a situation arises that is not so clear, or a family member will express concern about the principal’s ability to understand and sign legal documents.

How can you tell if a person is competent? In her book Senior Moments author Jacqueline D. Byrd quotes law professor Peter Margulies’ six factors to determine capacity:

1. Ability to articulate reasoning behind a decision
2. Variability of the client’s state of mind
3. Appreciation of the consequences of a decision
4. Irreversibility of a decision
5. Substantive fairness of a transaction
6. Consistency with lifetime commitments

Byrd goes on to say that for the purposes of determining whether or not a person is competent to sign a will or trust, however, the requirements may be slightly different; more focused on whether or not the principal has a clear knowledge of his or her assets, has a full knowledge of the persons to whom the estate is being left, and is able to reasonably formulate and express a plan for the disposition of the estate.

The unfortunate truth about elderly illness is that competency in a person afflicted with the beginnings of Alzheimer’s or Dementia can often change from day to day or even hour to hour. If there will be any question at all about the competency of the principal the safest thing to do is to have mental examination performed by a doctor, and even perhaps include a video will. Of course the very best way to ensure mental competence is to create your estate plan early, before age or dementia becomes a factor.

Everybody seems to know (from popular TV shows, if nothing else) that DNR means “Do Not Resuscitate”, but do you know what “Do Not Resuscitate” means in your own personal healthcare directive or living will? Too often, when talking with clients about the healthcare documents in their estate plans, they don’t know the extent of their own (or their parent’s or grandparent’s) instructions.

“Do Not Resuscitate” can cover a wide array of options, which is why it is so important to define what “life-saving procedures” means to you, and exactly when you would like your DNR to go into effect. Here are some examples of “life-saving procedures” that you (or your elderly relatives) should talk about with family, medical staff, and your estate planning attorney:

Artificial Nutrition and Hydration When grandma decides to stop drinking fluids orally and begins to dehydrate, does the nursing staff have permission to keep her hydrated via IV fluids? What about if you are in a non-reversible coma and unable to drink liquids on your own?

Antibiotics or Other Medicines Do you include antibiotics in your definition of “life-saving procedures?” Do you still if you have been declared irreversibly brain-dead by two independent physicians? When you are 102 and confined to a bed in a nursing home, do you want to be given medicines to combat pneumonia or other illnesses?

Chemotherapy A point similar to the paragraph above; if you are 102, afflicted with dementia and confined to a bed, do you want to receive expensive and painful chemotherapy treatments if the doctors discover cancer?

Blood Transfusions Blood Transfusions are fairly universally considered “life-saving procedures”, and they should be addressed in your healthcare documents. Do you have religious reasons for refusing a blood transfusion? Do you still want one if you are severely and irreversibly disabled?

Organ Donation Though obviously not considered a “life-saving procedure”, organ donation is a topic you should discuss with your family, medical providers, and estate planning attorney to prevent any misunderstandings or delays in treatment if and when the situation arises.

A healthcare directive is one of the most important documents in your estate plan. State-specific healthcare directives or living wills can often be found for free online or at your doctor’s office, and in a pinch these will work; but they cannot take the place of a conversation with a knowledgeable estate planning attorney who will ensure that all aspects of your decision-making process are addressed and put down in writing.